I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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