and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
