I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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