Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
