he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
