take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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