Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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