I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
