so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
