is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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