Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
