Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
