he wants to bone in the snuggie
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
