Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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