I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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