I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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