Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
sarcasm needs its own font
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
