Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
