If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
