sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
vagina is talking i cant
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
