Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
