Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Randomize
