An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize