so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
