I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
