Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
