yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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