I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
