I wish I only lived at night.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
