i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
