singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
