just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
