you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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