i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
