I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
