Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
