my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My dick has a subreddit
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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