**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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