I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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