I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize