Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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