So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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