DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's shark week go big or go home
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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