she was so not down for the gang bang
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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