He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize