He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
