she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
