My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
