Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i wish my penis had a tongue
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
