A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
