we're blogging at a bar
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
