I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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