About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize