I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I currently don't understand fingers.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
