What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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