I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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