dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
