watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
don't judge my taste in strippers
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
