Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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