This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
