and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
