So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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