I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize