I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
