I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
