I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
do herpes really smell.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
