i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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