Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
