I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
third nipple confirmed
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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