I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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