Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
