just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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